And, finally, the Best Pictures. First up, “Lost in Translation.” Best Musical or Comedy, though to consider “Lost in Translation” a hah-hah comedy seems a bit weird. Does it have anything in common with, say, “Bend It Like Beckham”? Not a whole lot. But it is a deserving win, nonetheless.

And then… the dramas. And if “Cold Mountain” wins, I think I’ll throw my laptop across the room just as I did Charles Frazier’s novel. But, thankfully, it doesn’t. LOTR does, the cast and crew and Hobbits of every shape, size and gender take the stage. Jackson, to his credit, thanks J.R.R. Tolkien, who started it all.

And, then, right at the evening’s biggest, most dramatic moment, NBC cuts the broadcast off. Jeez, I guess they needed to SELL SOME MORE ADS! “Join us next year for the 62nd Golden Globe Awards,” the announcer says. Sure thing. As long as they move to a quality network.

Think HBO has an evening free?

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Since the Hollywood Foreign Press corps is, well, foreign, you’d think that they would know best what the best foreign language film would be. So I can’t argue the choice of Afghanistan’s “Osama” as the foreign language winner. I would have thought that “Goodbye, Lenin!” might have won. But, then, politics always does have a way of making their presence felt.

Again, why is Fergie on our television set? With all the great British actors in the world, why do we need to listen to a duchess who is no longer even a member of the royal family? Even Nicole Kidman would have been a better substitute, though I’m not which is worse, Kidman’s dress or hair.

One of the surprise winners, to those who don’t get cable television, is Ricky Gervais. But his sitcom, a mock reality show called “The Office,” is the funniest thing on TV… But back to the present: It’s Peter Jackson who takes the Best Director award. Right-o, mate. And look! He’s even wearing shoes. Maybe he had some idea that he would win.

Sofia Coppola, who had such a hard time when her father cast her to replace Winona Ryder in “Godfather 3,” has the final revenge. She wins the screenplay award. Which may be one of the best predictors of Oscar success so far. And if her win is overdue, then Mary Louise Parker’s is even more deserving. Especially since, as she explains, she looks so good in her dress.

And the first “travesty” occurs, according to my wife. Diane Keaton wins the Best Actress in a movie comedy statuette over Scarlett Johansson and Jamie Lee Curtis? Right. Jack Nicholson must have bribed the jury. But here’s a bigger travesty: Bill Murray competing with Johnny Depp for the Best Actor award. But it’s justice that Murray does win, and he gives the best speech to date. That “Saturday Night Live” training does come in handy, eh?

Oh, and my wife? I really, really like her. No bribe necessary there.

“Angels in America” wins for Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television. Right. It’s as good or better than anything made for the big screen. And, immediately afterward, Meryl Streep wins Best Actress in the same category. Justice, you spell it M-I-K-E N-I-C-H-O-L-S. And who would have thought that she is so funny? And a political jab, too. Uh-oh. Better not tell John Ashcroft.

First award: Best Supporting Actor in a movie. Ken Watanabe looks good. And the winner is: Tim Robbins for “Mystic River.” “Clint,” he says. “You are the man.” Oh, yeah.

Will Joan stop knocking Kevin Costner and the ink spot of a diamond that he bought for his fiancée, Christine Baumgartner? It matters not at the moment because she is talking to a shorn, bearded Tom Cruise.” It was very challenging,” Cruise says of learning things for “The Last Samurai.” Yeah, but now here’s Charlize Theron. I can’t believe that she is the same person who starred as Aileen Wuornos in “Monster.” Give her the gold, people! Or at least a very big diamond.

Melissa Rivers is telling Peter Jackson that LOTR is a “masterpiece.” Right, right. But then Jennifer Lopez glides by and every references to art seems to be meaningless.

As much as Joan Rivers can be irritating, her coverage of this year’s Golden Globes is clearly better than the committee of interviewers that NBC is offering us. And Joan’s right: Kevin Costner should have bought a bigger diamond. Not, of course, that I’ve ever bought anything more expensive than a lifesaver.