I just got back from the grocery store. An ordinary enough outing, really, until you consider this: Today was the first time EVER that I've finished the Thanksgiving grocery shopping before sundown on the day before Turkey Day. What a difference a couple of days make.

When our family gathers for any big food-centric occasion, I am in charge of desserts. On Thanksgiving this always means I bring a couple of different pumpkin-pie variations … double-layer pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, turtle pumpkin cheesecake … as long as it's big, sweet and ready to be slathered in Cool Whip, it's fair game. A few years ago we had to settle for a chocolate cake because I waited too damn long to make my supply run and the only necessary ingredient left on the shelf was a lonely box of cream cheese that'd been run over by a shopping cart and left for dead. And still, every year I tempt fate and wait until the last possible minute to fill my cart.

Today's shopping list  was long and varied, and I wasn't looking forward to schlepping through the aisles in search of all the grocery goodness requirements. But – miracle of miracles – my couple-days' head start resulted in astonishingly pleasant results. I reached for a 4-serving box of instant Jell-O Vanilla pudding, and  found an entire shelf filled to the gills with box upon box of just what I needed! Orderly stacks of Keebler graham cracker crusts gleamed under the overhead lights, just waiting to be taken home and transformed into after-dinner bliss. There were potatoes a-plenty. And an ample supply of sparkling cider. Good gravy, there were even mounds of glorious turkeys chilling in the meat department.

Gawd, I wonder what might happen if I start my Christmas shopping before Christmas Eve …

  

Because some days everything is NOT all right … but it might seem better if you can find something to make you smile about it:

II found this “Life is Crap” cup during my inaugural visit to Halpin’s, one of the Valley’s hidden treasures. OK, really – sitting prominently on the corner of Bowdish and Sprague with a sign that can be seen from space without a telescope – it’s not all that hidden … I’d simply never before taken the time to stop in. I’d heard the place mentioned in conversation. I’d driven past it at least 1,037 times. But last week I stopped a lady to ask her where she’d gotten her purse – a strappy black bag weaved from seat belts, very cool – and she said “Halpin’s.” That did it. It was time for a visit.

Saturday morning I dropped Kegan off at Driver’s Ed (heaven help us) and walked across the street. An hour later the hubby called to check on my whereabouts … I’d planned to head right home after the drop-off to work in the yard … and I told him I’d stopped in at Halpin’s. “Oh, yeah,” he said, “See you in a few hours.” “What? How did you know? You’ve been here before?” “Sure. Everyone’s been there. It’s kind of one of those places where everybody goes.” “Yeah, well, this is my first time. Thanks for the head’s up, guy.” And with that I headed to yet another unexplored corner to while away the better part of another hour. Still I felt like I didn’t see everything. So, of course, I’ll go back.

And, since I know I can’t be the ONLY one in town to be late to the “that’s where everybody goes” party, let me fill you in on the things you might find in this place.

• Fake little dogs and cats that look so real you’ll do a double-take (to up the authentic factor these cute critters even “breathe,” thanks to a motor or something that moves in their belly and practically startles the holy crap out of you)
• A Spokandy counter (take two, they’re small)
• A full-service pharmacy that includes several isles of “incidentals” (don’t forget the dust-mop socks!)
• An entire room dedicated to dedicated collectors, with everything from large Thomas Kinkade paintings to tiny hand-painted designer shoes (can a girl ever get enough)
• A bunch of grandfather clocks and globes (time to leave … where you headed?)
• A place to buy Lottery tickets (ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?)
• Two huge tables covered in snow village stuff, replete with lights and sounds (grandmothers everywhere will swoon)
• A life-sized chreche (please don’t allow your children to ride the donkey)
• An impressive selection of WSU, Gonzaga, Seahawks and other sport memorabilia (mostly local, yes, even UW)
• Aisles and aisles of Hallmark cards (why, yes, as a matter of fact I do understand why women tear up in greeting card aisles)
• Garden stuff, like designer watering cans, birdhouses made from coffee cans and rope light pink flamingos (I dare you not to smile when you see this …)
• Handmade beaded jewelry (from cute to what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this?)
• Holiday decorations – all their Halloween stuff was 40% off on Saturday; they also had a couple aisles of Thanksgiving paraphernalia and were overloading the store with all things Christmas (fell in love with the gumdrop-covered snowball ornaments)
• Hand-painted martini and wine glasses that say things like “Princess” (only when I drink); “Diva” (only when I’m drunk); and “Over the Hill” (only the morning after)
• Stuffed animals, including sock monkeys (updated with subdued rainbow hues … endearingly sweet)
• Candles and more candles (soy, organic, wickless, you name it)
• A huge display of Vera Bradley handbags and backpacks and such (never seen these before but they seem to be quite a hit … a little too “quilty” for me, but I know a few ladies who’d love ‘em)
• Anything else you can possibly think of (as long as you’re not thinking of ground beef, lava or snow tires)

Besides being the absolute best place to find random crap you don’t really need but buy anyway, thrift stores are a last-minute costume-shopper’s dream. If you can’t find a Halloween ensemble here you may as well stay home Saturday night and drown your unimaginative sorrows in a bowl of bite-sized Twix bars.

The Valley’s Value Village has new costumes (still in the original package with all necessary pieces included) the likes of Naughty Chamber Maid, Purple Velvet Pimp Daddy, Wicked Wizard and Fairy Tale Princess, with price tags that range from $9.99 to $29.99 

There are gently used costumes from Halloweens past (much cheaper than the new ones and quite a bargain since they were probably only worn once – except for maybe the Naughty Chamber Maid, I can see how that little getup might have some staying power …) that include Red Velvet Devil Woman (the dress in the photo was going for $6.99),  Rhinestone Cowboy, Buxom Barmaid and – horror or horrors – Circus Clowns. These prices are all over the place – I saw stickers from 99 cents to $17ish.

For those with a little creativity there are racks of random costume cast-offs that can be whipped into something truly one-of-a-kind and totally memorable (Dominatrix Elf? Werewolf Ice Dancer? Corporate Butt Rocker?). Plus, racks and racks of new wigs, masks and accoutrements of all sorts mean if worse comes to worst you can just strap on some wings, pull on a pink pixie ‘do, sprinkle your bad self with glitter and go as the I’m Just Here for the Party Fairy.

I’ve always been a fan of Old Navy’s cute T-shirts and trousers and such. But I’d never been fond of the way the store resembled a lazy teenager’s bedroom (please tell me I’m not the only one who’s appalled by people who don’t pick up after themselves in public – if you see a shirt fall off the hanger and land on the floor, just pick it up, shake it off and put it back where it belongs before someone trips over it and breaks a hip). So I was totally jazzed when I walked into the store this afternoon and realized our local store had taken part in the Old Navy Beautification Project.

They’ve rearranged everything and given the whole store a thorough tidying (I didn’t see a single piece of clothing carelessly discarded on the floor – not even in the oft-disheveled Clearance section). The dressing rooms are now in the middle of the store, plus there are “Quick Change” booths scattered throughout the different departments. (But unless you have someone to stand guard and keep an eye on the Quick Change booth’s curtain I would opt for the real deal dressing rooms instead – you know the ones with locking doors … There are too many curious little kids just waiting to whisk back those curtain and reveal to the world that your days of squeezing into a Size 6 are long gone for my comfort.) The cash registers were relocated to an easy-access front-and-center location – plus, they’re all lined up along one easy-to-see counter so you can relax while standing on line without fretting that you’ll miss the next open register and raise the blood pressures of everyone standing in line behind you.

Even the lights seemed brighter. Then again, maybe my Clearance Rack Glow was illuminating the place in a way it never had before. Tons of stuff – lounge pants, T-shirts, skirts, jeans, undies, shoes, shorts and dresses – has been marked down and neatly arranged on racks, then topped off with “Take an EXTRA 50% Off Last Marked Price” signs. For less than $20 I picked up three pleated jersey dresses, a hooded jersey shirt and a pair of yoga pants! Life is good. 

All their Halloween stuff is 40% off now, too. They had great costumes for kids and dogs for around $13 to $18 with the discount – and when I was there they still had Bee and Princess costumes for both the two- and four-legged little ones. How stinking cute would it be to dress up your favorite small creatures in matching outfits and hit the Trick-or-Treat circuit. Yes, very stinking cute.